Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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