i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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