watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
