Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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