Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
