Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
zippers are such a cool invention
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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