i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
