i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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