If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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