thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
