i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do herpes really smell.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
