Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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