Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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