Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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