My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
