I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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