i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
