Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
