A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
