and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
