and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
