i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
