Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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