So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
