just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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