Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
