carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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