3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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