Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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