the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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