I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
