Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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