Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
