My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
