Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.

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(212): This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING. http://tfl.nu/5495

Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (981)
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(720): View more from Colorado

yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

(1-720): View more from Colorado

eat her like coffee?

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(720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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(563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r

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(713): View more from Texas

just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.

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(713): just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american. http://tfl.nu/yild

Replies (53) Good night (4437) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.

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(203): thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number. http://tfl.nu/71o2

Replies (28) Good night (1516) Bad night (4570) Order T-Shirt
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(904): View more from Florida

I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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(904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e

Replies (71) Good night (12001) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

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(610): Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it. http://tfl.nu/l5ke

Replies (29) Good night (8833) Bad night (1782) Order T-Shirt
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(319): View more from Iowa

you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

(1-319): View more from Iowa

thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

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(319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc

Replies (37) Good night (10696) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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(630): View more from Illinois

I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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(630): I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea. http://tfl.nu/9kka

Replies (9) Good night (4815) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
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(719): View more from Colorado

Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

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(719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06

Replies (35) Good night (6921) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
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(913): View more from Kansas

Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately

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(913): Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately http://tfl.nu/v1vv

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(817): View more from Texas

The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.

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(817): The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride. http://tfl.nu/s0ye

Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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(312): View more from Illinois

Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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(312): Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first http://tfl.nu/6e2a

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.

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(603): so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me. http://tfl.nu/37lj

Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.

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(440): literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck. http://tfl.nu/514p

Replies (1) Good night (347) Bad night (194)

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