hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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