There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?