sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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