3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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