Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
