how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
