You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
