pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
