i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
