Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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