It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
