I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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