so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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