Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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