I love black thongs
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
