I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
