my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
