We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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