Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
