I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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