Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
