you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize