I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
