It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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