An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
