you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
