sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
