I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
