My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
