p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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