so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
