Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
