So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
