if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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