Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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