why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize