He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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